The after break up sex question seems to come up very often when I talk to people who have recently gone through a break up or divorce. Especially with those singles who want to get back together with their ex lover. I have a very distinct and sometimes unpopular opinion when it comes to this. Read on…

After break up sex is many times a psychological mind game. Both people have many questions swirling in their head about where they stand in the other person's mind. Some people have good and/or bad intentions when it comes to break up sex. Can I still hook up with him/her and be broken up? Can I find out if they are still interested? Will he/she still sleep with me? If I sleep with him/her will they want to get back together?

Unless you are BOTH totally and completely over the break up there will be nothing good that comes from hooking up. Trust me on this. One person is always going to get hurt by this situation and I am trying to make sure it isn't you. Understand that having sex with them is not going to make them want to get back together with you. On the contrary, NOT having sex with them will give you the best chance of getting them back. It's true!

Remember when you were young and your parents or teachers told you that you couldn't do something? You remember how badly you want to do that thing now that you were told not to? The same thing is true with break up sex. I am not telling you not to have sex because it is in your best interest emotionally, or because you aren't stable enough. I am telling you this because if you play your cards right, not having sex with them WILL get them back with you FOR GOOD.

If you don't believe me, try getting almost to the point of that with them and then stop. Tell them it just isn't such a great idea given the current situation. Guess who will be calling you again and wanting to spend some "quality time" together? You guessed it…… So keep those pants buttoned up until you get what you really want. When you two are happily back together and the intimacy is amazing you know who to thank Best of luck!

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Esteban Torres
December 14th 2008

ConnectedAgain.com is website dedicated to helping couples stay together so they can live happy and loving lives.

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